Girlfriends

My world started shrinking the day that Jeff and I started dating. I had been an active part of my church's College & Career group, a group with a lot of single girls and two single guys. We had fun together, hanging out and having girls nights. We would gather at someone's house and watch chick flicks and laugh and talk into the wee hours of the morning. I was the first of the group in a long time to be in a serious relationship and it didn't go over well. They started having more “girls only” nights and I wanted to be with Jeff. He was getting upset because no one ever wanted him around and those friendships started getting tested.


By the time we got engaged my world had become my family, my roommate, and Jeff. I had gotten into a fight with one of core girls in the group and it caused a lot of problems. My roommate and I had a rough time in the beginning too, but with a lot of work we got back on track. I saw it as a sign that ours was a friendship that would last. No one else wanted to put the time in to fix things, so I wasn't going to waste my time.


I miss the girls though. An article in the Star Tribune, “Breaking Up With the Girls”, said that “some (friendships) stay intact when life changes. Others don't.” My roommate, Tiffini, and I have been friends since we were six and seven and I asked her to come skate with me at a skating party we were both attending. We are going to last. But this time in life is going to be hard for us. She is single and right now there is no one on the horizon. We've been roomies for over a year and have gotten used to long talks at night and sharing everything. When I get married I'll be living half an hour away and there won't be too many sleepovers in the future.

Girls, keep in mind that your marriage can be very hard on your single friends. If it is a really sensitive issue, find something different to talk about instead of wedding plans all the time. Dr. Irene S. Levine “The Friendship Doctor” suggests finding things that are common interests that can continue whether you are married or single. Go to the gym together, make specific plans to go see a concert that your partner might have no desire to see, and don't try to set her up. Just because you are happy where you are doesn't mean that everyone else has to be with someone. Maybe this is not her time so don't force it on her. Even if she would love to be with someone, putting the pressure on is not a good way to make your friendship last. Find things that you can enjoy together, and if there is trouble, as Michele Bender from Wedding Guide says, “If she's a true friend, she'll be open to making changes”. But you better be open to making changes as well.


Friendships outside of your spouse are important. Your girlfriends, especially the ones who have known you longer than your spouse has, can understand you in a way that your man never will. Gabbing with the girls is a different kind of communication and stress reliever that your husband will not understand. Don't shut the girls out. Do what you have to do to keep the good friendships strong. Because every once in a while, when he starts driving me nuts, I have to tell Jeff that I just need time with the girls.


Resources

Bender, M. (n.d.). How To Make Everyone Behave. Wedding Guide, Retrieved from http://www.bridalguide.com/advice/article.cfm?aID=17349

Davis, J.B. (2003). Married...With Friends. King5 Wedding Magazine, Retrieved from http://www.king5.com/eveningmagazine/springweddings/2003/thedayafter/friends.html

Dooley, T. (2009, August 12). Breaking Up With the Girls. Star Tribune, Retrieved from http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/family/53052337.html? elr=KArks7PYDiaK7DU2EkP7K_V_GD7EaPc:iLP8iUiacyKUnciaec8O7EyUr

Levine, I.S. (2009, February 18). For Better of Worse: Marriage can Wreck a Female Relationship. The Huffington Post, Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/irene-s-levine/for-better-or- worse-marri_b_167769.html